Doctors

I generally avoid doctors at all costs.  I have found that, regardless of whether I have a hangnail or a broken arm, the answer I get generally involves "well, you need to lose weight".

Ok, firstly, no kidding.  I am fat.  Do you really think that all I needed was for you to point it out to me?  Oh my gosh, I never noticed, thank you so much!  I am going to go lose 10,000 lbs overnight and then you can treat the problem tomorrow when I come back all nice and skinny okay?

Secondly, do you really think that is how you can be most helpful?

So now that you have the background.

I woke up Thursday with a huge lump on my shoulder.  Being me, I figured I did not need to see anyone, it was just a bump and it would go away.  By Friday it was a bump that hurt.  Saturday it was so bad I actually called to book a doctor's appointment for later in the week.  first one I could get with my doctor was for Thursday.

Ok, I could hold out to then.

Woke up sunday morning and could not turn my head.  Called the doctors office and asked to see someone, anyone, ASAP.  They got me in to see a new doctor in the practice for later that afternoon.

now, this story is not about her.  Truth be told, I like her and will likely keep using her as I like her more than my old doctor, and since she is new it is way faster to get an appointment.  No this is the story of a different set of doctors.  2 sets in fact.

She sent me to the emergency room.  I got there, checked in and went to the nurse.  Everything was fine except for the fact that I had really high blood pressure.  Now, I know from experience that my blood pressure has always been on the low end.  I am fat, I am not hypertensive.  Well, I was for like 2 days once infection set in before my daughter was delivered, but generally no infection, no high blood pressure.

I spent the rest of my er visit hearing about the my high blood pressure (even though the nurse also told me that if I knew it to be irregular than it probably was from infection/pain and to just have it taken again after just to be sure).  So, not related to anything to do with why I was there the doctors order blood sugars taken.  Of course, if one is fat one MUST be diabetic.  Funny, although they did say it was high for fasting- I WAS NOT FASTING!  I had eaten a yogurt and had some juice less than an hour earlier.

Ok, they drained the cyst.  I told them I was pretty sure there was still junk in there, but they told me I was wrong.  Bandaged it so tightly I could not move my head, shoulder or neck and it was causing more pain than the cyst, and sent me home.

Went to the nurse the next day to change the dressing.  Seriously, 2/3 of the pain went away the minute she put on a normal dressing not pulled tight enough to create a slingshot.  she took my blood pressure as requested.  It was still above normal, but had dropped 30 ish points from the night before.  she took that as a sign it was pain related.  Cleaned the wound and whatnot, re bandaged it and let me go.

Ok, last night it really started to hurt again.  A lot.  Went back to my doctor who said it was not fully drained (can you say "I told you so"?) and sent me back to the ER.

Triage said blood pressure was high (but not as high as the first night), but other than that no problem.  They are putting me in to see an orthopedic surgeon.  Why orthopedic?  No idea, but that is what they did.  Told me it would be about 15 minutes.  an hour and 45 minutes later I saw the orthopedic surgeon long enough to have him rip off the bandage, poke it a bit, tell me not his problem, then watch him go yell at a nurse.

I am no in more pain than I was when I came in, have no clean bandage, and am at the bottom of the list for a regular surgeon.

Regular surgeon comes in.  you need bariatric surgery.  What is the problem today.  Oh, a cyst is because you are fat.  you need a lap band.  Lie down so I can clean this out.

While he was cleaning it out, he was going on about how I NEED it done.  I said I am working on things with my own doctor.  He laughed.  I said (while face down with him having a scalpel in my back) can we talk about this later?  He said no.  Now.  I need ot make sure you hear it.

Like I said, I am fat.  I know I am fat.  Is it an option?  Certainly- and maybe one that should be considered, but this is neither the time nor the place!  He demanded we make an appointment at his office for Monday- allegedly to look in on the wound, but I am nearly 1000000000000% sure I know better.  Unless there is a major problem, I will go to my own doctor and cancel the one I was forced into in another city!d not slept in for longer than 20 minutes at a shot in almost a week.

Oh, did I mentioned he also told me outright I was lying and he rarely thinks patients are right when I said I was not over concerned about a high ish blood pressure while I was in mass amounts of pain and ha

I am furious.  Not for being told I am fat- that is not really a secret, but for being held in a literal headlock while he told an otherwise healthy patient that she needs major surgery!  If I consider it, it will be after discussion with my doctor to see if it is the right option.  If I do it, it will not be because someone held me in a headlock until I agreed.

This is why I rarely go see a doctor even when I am in pain and probably should.  I have no idea how he thought this would help, but if not for a good GP I would likely stay away from a doctor next time I need one based on today.

Moo.

So today I was wondering around the Zoo with my husband and my daughter. Minding my own business and trying not to get killed by the mass amounts of people who had the same idea that we did for a day out and about, and I got moo'd at.

Not even a subtle "I was not really sure what I just heard" sort of noise, a major, loud, I stared right at the shmuck and he just gave me a nasty smile sort of noise.

Oh in hindsite I came up with a million comebacks that I could have said. I could have made reference to any other animals around us, started pointing and commenting loudly about the animal who was out of his cage, or even just kicked him hard and said something like, "I'm so sorry, is that not what you were asking for? I am afraid my bovine is a little weak".

But I didn't. I just let him get to me.

Yeah, I know. Who is the real shmuck. Him who clearly only has half a brain or me who thought she had a full one but let him get to me anyway. I guess I am just out of practice as I do not normally get such comments. There is no question that I am fat, but I do think I look fairly decent most of the time.

Fairly at least.

But even if I don't (and I still think that, at least today, I did) what gives someone else the right to dehumanize me like that? An old Jewish guy no less who you think would know the ends that dehumanizing can lead to! My Jewish education taught me that it is the first step on a slippery slope to things that go well beyond silly noises.

I spent the rest of the day miserable (and believe me there were enough things to push me well over the edge without having dealt with this early in the day.

Bad Google Ads!

This does not fall under "stupid comments" so much as it falls under "stupid web programs", but as I do not want to create a new tag that I will likely never use again, this is where I am sticking it.

I keep a regular journal over at livejournal (not hiding anything, if anyone is a member there and wants to find me I am under the name happyduck1979). I have what they call a "plus" account. Basically, I get some of the perks that the paid members have, but in exchange I have to see a few adds on my page. It really does not bother me in the slightest because I use adblock (a firefox extension) so I never actually see them anyway.

On that journal I have a link to this blog.

Google adds are what's called "targeted advertizing" and brings up ads based on words and links on a page. For example, if you have an entry on toasters, you might get an add for a kitchen supply store. Have a link to the weather? you might get an add for umbrellas. you get the picture.

A friend just let me know that for those who do have to see the adds, because I have a link to this blog "Fat and Feminine in Toronto" that uses the word fat, I am getting adds for weight loss products and weight loss centres! So I logged in to my journal with another browser, and there was an add, right at the top of my own journal, telling me that I should eat better to lose weight!

Now I did what it told me to for objectionable adds and reported it, but I have my doubts that it is going to do anything.

Ok, logically I can certainly see the connection between the two things. I type "fat" I get "lose weight" as an add- but there has got to be a way to get my journal to stop insulting me behind my back!

If anyone knows how to get rid of a seriously unwanted add please let me know.

Fat Lady here, and rather proud of it.

Today there was a carnival at my daughter's school, and parents were asked to attend. Since it started less than an hour after I dropped her off, and I do not have access to a car during the day, I decided the easiest thing to do would be to find myself an unused, out of the way corner, turn on my i-pod, and get some work done.

I found a nice little spot on the back stair case. I sat on the landing with my feet on the step below me. I knew it was not a problem because the director saw me and asked why I was "parking myself" there, but when I said it just did not make sense to go home. I passingly wondered if the "Parked" comment was a "size of a truck" joke, then remembered who I was dealing with and that she is one of the nicest women in the world and told myself to grow up. There is no way in hell that is what she meant.

Shortly thereafter, I start hearing "Hey, there's a fat lady on the stairs" coming from a bunch of kindergarten students on the 2nd floor (who are clearly out of class without permission and I hear their teacher ordering them back in). "You gotta come see this! It's a fat lady on the stairs".

I must have been bright red. I was both embarrassed and angry. How dare they!?!? I thought about the lovely thing I could say them. "Yeah, well, I could lose weight you will still be idiots" Um, hello? They are 5. What sort of bitch am I?

Ok, lets use this to teach a lesson. It is a religious school after all. I could remind them that "God made me just like God made you and are they making fun of something God created?" Yeah, I could say that. And then they could look at me like I am nuts. Remember, they are 5.

Well, maybe I should I just tell them it is not nice to make fun of people?

Then I realized something. What were they making fun of?

I am a fat lady. In fact, it is a fairly good descriptor of me. Am I fat? Clearly. Do I do my best to always act like a lady? Well, at least in public. These kids were not necessarily making fun of me, they were just commenting on what their eyes were showing them.

Would I prefer for people to look at me and say "Skinny Bitch" or "Gorgeous Loner"? I think not! Ok in my heart of hearts I might prefer Gorgeous Lady, but lets face it, to someone 3 feet tall my girth might be noticed before my "pretty face" (which incidentally is something else I hate hearing... well, not the pretty face bit -- it is that "but" that always goes with it!)

(So I never did say anything because I heard the teacher telling them off for being out of class and for yelling any "not nice names" at anyone, especially adults so I figured they already got told. Also, by the time I finished this whole little shenanigin in my head they were already gone. I either need to learn to think faster or speak without thinking. Of course, had I done that I would have just said "Oh yeah? Well I am rubber and your gluuuuuuuuuue...").

Gee thanks

I was down at the Eatons Centre this afternoon. I was finally done with the errands I had to do while I was downtown. I bought a water and sat down on a bench to get my stuff sorted out and to get out a bus token. There was another guy sitting on the bench, but it was one of those huge, backless benches and so space was not an issue and we were not facing each other.

After sitting for a minute and getting myself in order and together, I realzie that through a pause in the music on my ipod I hear this really smooth voice (think midnight shift dj on a pillow talk radio show or something".

"Your HUUUUUGE. You are SOOOOOO FAT. Oh my gosh, you are just HUUUUUUUUUUGE."

Now, I gotta tell you, on most days I would have been humiliated and totally burst in to tears, but I happen to know I look good today. I am wearing a stylish outfit and my jewelery is to die for. For get just looking good for me, something about what I am seeing in mirrored elevator doors is saying "Damn you look good!".

So for whatever reason I looked right at him and replied.

"Your SUUUUUUUUUUUCH and IDIOT. You have ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO social grace. Oh my gosh I'll bet that compensating for a TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINY penis by insulting random strangers must be a HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE strain."

Ok, so I think I came out the winner in this story, but it still begs the question. Why in the world would someoen think that sort of behavious is in any way appropriate? It was not a child who has not yet learned to know better. It did not look like it was someone who was not in proper control of their faculties (although clearly they had lost the reins to their brain and mouth). I have no way of really knowing, but I suspect that people would not up to somone with, say, a missing finger and say "whoah, your hand is soooooooooooo wierd". So what gives? Why is it okay to insult the way I look because for whatever reason it does not jive with your personal taste? You don't like the way I look? DON'T LOOK AT ME!!! Buddy, I know I am sort of hard to look around, but I am sure if you work hard at it you can mange it...

I am still dwelling on it (even though I know I shouldn't be and that damn! I look good today) but all in all I suspect my comeback was a bit to much of a shock for his little dingaling. He did stop being insulting and just sat there open-mouthed while I finished getting my bags and token in order calmly and got up and walked away.