Last week my mom, my sister and I went away for a 3 day "girls mid-week weekend to Montreal. We took the train in, stayed at a hotel, went out to eat, and shopped like mad. Ok, not exactly like mad as none of us really have too much money to blow, but certainly at least like somewhat-crazy.
Never having been on a train before I was a little nervous about the whole seating thing, but I needn't have thought twice about it. No seat belts, wide comfortable seats, and at least 3 times the legroom of an average airplane made it a very comfortable (although somewhat boring... trains are a lot more fun and romantic in movies!) 5 hours.
Funny how airlines are cutting back and cutting back and cutting back and the trains are still giving out free toys for kids (And me- I brought back some fold and assemble trains for my husband and daughter).
In fact, the whole weekend was rather liberating. I went shopping and got some gorgeous new stuff. Shopping with my sister always pushes my limits and makes me move out of my normal comfort zones clothing wise- not that I eve regret it after because she really does know what she is talking about. She convinced me into a green shirt (I never wear green) that gets compliments left right and centre.
I also got a neat dress (made out of bamboo!), a really funky black and white knee length print skirt, a few layering tanks in black and white and some headbands (and socks because I forgot to pack any).
It was not all peaches and roses though. The first store we went to only went up to an XL, and it was a fairly small XL. It fit my fairly average sized mom. I looked at accessories, but mostly felt like I was sticking out like a sore thumb. My mom (or more likely my sister) saw how frustrated I was so we went to a store "just for me". We went to Addition-Elle.
Ok, first of all the service was better than I have ever had in any AE store here. I mean, there WAS customer service! It was great. I felt a little like a freak show at first with my mom and my sister just sitting around waiting for me, but by the time we had left they had found a bunch of pairs of pants between them that they were taking as well. With my sister guiding some of my choices it actually turned out to be more fun than I remember having shopping in a long time.
Then came the big step off the weekend. I chopped off my hair.
When I say chopped I mean it. I cut off almost 10 inches. It went from the middle of my back to the nape of my neck in the back and to my jaw bone in the front. I still cover the whole top so nothing much changed up there, but I think the rest of the change is actually rather dramatic. I was really nervous about the whole thing, but actually I really love it.
The whole thing was very "What not to Wear" -like, but it was a good thing. I was feeling so confident I actually went swimming in the hotel pool, by myself, without wearing a t shirt on top! Ok, that may not sound like much to you, but for me it was an adult first! Not sure if I would do it again here where people know me, but it was somewhat liberating in any case. No one said boo to me about it either. I shmoozed with people in the hot tub, played with a kid in the pool, and all in all felt totally and completely "normal". No one came to cart me off to the "ugly people assylum" or critisized me in any way. I was just another person there because it was insanely freaking hot outside (and I did not want to stay in the hotel room watching Dr. Phil with my other traveling companions!)
Other than that, we went to Old Montreal and went on a horse and buggy ride (seriously, if you are in Montreal go and do it. It was my favourite part of the trip. We went at sundown so we started it was still lights, but as we went on all the buildings started lighting up and it looked like something out of a fairytale! My sister and I got henna tattoos and all in all we had a really great time.
I have to add that we had some of the best food ever. El Moroco and Morty's were hands down two of the best places I have ever eaten. Seriously, steak to die for!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
Ooops
"Hey Mom, Look at that cow!"
"How dare y..." right. I am at a farm. I guess I still need to work on that over sensitivity thing.
"How dare y..." right. I am at a farm. I guess I still need to work on that over sensitivity thing.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Coupons, coupons, coupons
I just joined up with a new website where Etsy artists can offer coupons to their shops. It is quite small, but hopefully it will grow over time.
Etsy Secrets will have my first coupon up within a day or so.
As a sneak peak for readers here, I will tell you that for the next two weeks there will be free sterling silver pearls studs (available with long posts!) with purchase*... well, for those who have the coupon code anyway...
So yeah. go check it out. and if it is not there yet, please try again later.
*some restriction apply. Not valid for followers of the imperial dark lord or he who shall not be named. Limit one pair per customer unless you have two heads. Then I am happy to send to pairs. Not recommend for fetuses under 9 months. Do not use as a flotation device. In case of emergency, please do not expect your earrings to help you in any way.
Etsy Secrets will have my first coupon up within a day or so.
As a sneak peak for readers here, I will tell you that for the next two weeks there will be free sterling silver pearls studs (available with long posts!) with purchase*... well, for those who have the coupon code anyway...
So yeah. go check it out. and if it is not there yet, please try again later.
*some restriction apply. Not valid for followers of the imperial dark lord or he who shall not be named. Limit one pair per customer unless you have two heads. Then I am happy to send to pairs. Not recommend for fetuses under 9 months. Do not use as a flotation device. In case of emergency, please do not expect your earrings to help you in any way.
My Entry to the Fat Experience Project
I will never be good enough for my family because I am fat. On the other hand I am learning to live with that.
It is not that anyone in my family is really a "skinny mini", it is just that they are mostly what they consider "normal" and always dieting to get closet to having the same profile as a stick. The fact that I am fat, and worse yes, not changing that fact, makes me an embarrassment.
I remember being six years old and my cousin and I got lollypop in the synagogue. My bubbie opened my cousin's for her then told me that "I really did not need that".
Their thinking coloured my own for a very long time. Growing up I thought it was okay to be a doormat- to be tormented by mean children in my school and I accepted that it was normal for other kids to hurt the fat ones. There was one boy in my class who would come up to me and grab my newly developing breasts and yell "squishi-boobs". I cried, but I told myself that I deserved it. Clearly my family thought it was okay because no matter how much I cried, no one stopped the torture.
In high school I made friends, but by then it was too late. I always tried to give 110%. I was the kid who invited everyone over. Who would organize everything. I figured if I stopped no one would have use for me anymore. I always felt like there was an invisible wall between us. I remember on our grad trip everyone standing with their arms around each other in a group hug and me standing on the side. I could not bring myself to break that wall and touch another person. They were "normal". I was fat. I always wondered what they said about me behind my back. I figured it did not matter so long as they pretended to like me when I was around.
I wore baggy clothes to try to hide as much as I could. No wait. I am lying. There were times where I tried something a little funkier. My parents told me it did not look good on someone my size and ridiculed me. They made me go change and "put on a sweater".
But I am learning.
Some of those people are still my friends and I have realized that it is not only because I organized the parties.
I have moved on with my life. I found a wonderful man who can see beyond the surface to what is in my soul. With him I am building a family and rebuilding a life with my family that has to do with who I am and not what I look like.
I look at my daughter and see the world in her face. I see undisguised love in her face when she kisses me goodnight. She knows I am fat. In her "my family" picture she made at school I am clearly twice the size of her father- but she loves me anyway.
2 years ago I went back to school. It is a school where merit and accomplishment mean a lot more than your Saturday night plans. I now have a business that I love. I have worked hard for it and it is growing nicely. At first I thought it was growing becuase people never needed to see me. You know what? I recently added a photo to my site and business did not stop short. In fact, if anything it has been better since I added the picture.
In fact I have found a bit of a niche market in designing for people like myself. Fat people who are tired of hiding in the shadows. Through their strength mine has continued to grow as well. I have moved from dark and drab to bright and vibrant in more areas than my wardrobe.
The invisible walls are crumbling and I am starting to walk away from the ruins. I can't get enough hugs from my husband or my daughter. I can walk arm and arm with a friend and not worry that everyone is staring at us. Ok, well, sometimes I do still worry, but I walk arm and arm and tell myself it is okay and I am not doing anything wrong.
It has taken a long, long time, but I am starting to learn that I am not the sum of the numbers on a scale. I deserve to be happy. To have friends, and a loving family, and nice clothes. I deserve to have dreams and to have them come true just like everyone else.
And those who are not going to be supportive can go to hell. I am sure there will be lots of "normal" people there to greet them.
It is not that anyone in my family is really a "skinny mini", it is just that they are mostly what they consider "normal" and always dieting to get closet to having the same profile as a stick. The fact that I am fat, and worse yes, not changing that fact, makes me an embarrassment.
I remember being six years old and my cousin and I got lollypop in the synagogue. My bubbie opened my cousin's for her then told me that "I really did not need that".
Their thinking coloured my own for a very long time. Growing up I thought it was okay to be a doormat- to be tormented by mean children in my school and I accepted that it was normal for other kids to hurt the fat ones. There was one boy in my class who would come up to me and grab my newly developing breasts and yell "squishi-boobs". I cried, but I told myself that I deserved it. Clearly my family thought it was okay because no matter how much I cried, no one stopped the torture.
In high school I made friends, but by then it was too late. I always tried to give 110%. I was the kid who invited everyone over. Who would organize everything. I figured if I stopped no one would have use for me anymore. I always felt like there was an invisible wall between us. I remember on our grad trip everyone standing with their arms around each other in a group hug and me standing on the side. I could not bring myself to break that wall and touch another person. They were "normal". I was fat. I always wondered what they said about me behind my back. I figured it did not matter so long as they pretended to like me when I was around.
I wore baggy clothes to try to hide as much as I could. No wait. I am lying. There were times where I tried something a little funkier. My parents told me it did not look good on someone my size and ridiculed me. They made me go change and "put on a sweater".
But I am learning.
Some of those people are still my friends and I have realized that it is not only because I organized the parties.
I have moved on with my life. I found a wonderful man who can see beyond the surface to what is in my soul. With him I am building a family and rebuilding a life with my family that has to do with who I am and not what I look like.
I look at my daughter and see the world in her face. I see undisguised love in her face when she kisses me goodnight. She knows I am fat. In her "my family" picture she made at school I am clearly twice the size of her father- but she loves me anyway.
2 years ago I went back to school. It is a school where merit and accomplishment mean a lot more than your Saturday night plans. I now have a business that I love. I have worked hard for it and it is growing nicely. At first I thought it was growing becuase people never needed to see me. You know what? I recently added a photo to my site and business did not stop short. In fact, if anything it has been better since I added the picture.
In fact I have found a bit of a niche market in designing for people like myself. Fat people who are tired of hiding in the shadows. Through their strength mine has continued to grow as well. I have moved from dark and drab to bright and vibrant in more areas than my wardrobe.
The invisible walls are crumbling and I am starting to walk away from the ruins. I can't get enough hugs from my husband or my daughter. I can walk arm and arm with a friend and not worry that everyone is staring at us. Ok, well, sometimes I do still worry, but I walk arm and arm and tell myself it is okay and I am not doing anything wrong.
It has taken a long, long time, but I am starting to learn that I am not the sum of the numbers on a scale. I deserve to be happy. To have friends, and a loving family, and nice clothes. I deserve to have dreams and to have them come true just like everyone else.
And those who are not going to be supportive can go to hell. I am sure there will be lots of "normal" people there to greet them.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The Fat Experience Projects
Good morning :)
I awoke this morning to find a notice and request in my inbox, and I am more than agreeable to share it with everyone here. I agree with the project, and if I a) had a video camera tat connected to my computer in some way, shape or form, b) feel way less comfortable speaking than I do writing, and c) were passed the "still working on it" stage of my "I am hideously ugly because I am fat" thing I would do it in a heartbeat.
***************************************************
Hi there -
I wanted to let you know, in hopes that you might let your audience know, that I've recently launched a new project that I'm very excited about!
The new project is called "The Fat Experience Project." and you can view it here:
http://thefatexperience.com
The goal of the Fat Experience Project is to map the global experience of fat in a way that is human, has a face, a heart, a mind, a body and a voice. The Fat Experience Project is an oral, visual and written history project which seeks to be a humanizing force in body image activism. By collecting and sharing the many and varied stories of individuals of size, the Fat Experience Project seeks to engage with, educate, empower and enrich the lives of people of size, our allies and the world at large.
As the project grows, it will be filled with first-person, non-fiction narratives (in text, video or mp3 format) that speak to the many and varied aspects of the life lived large. Some of the content will come from interviews already gathered on an extensive 2-month road trip (with the lovely Val Garrison) in both audio and video format. Some content will come from trips on the horizon. Most content will be submitted via thewebsite by readers such as yourself.
It is my hope that the project will be a community tool to combat prejudice/stereotype/discrimination as well as to help externalize shame so it can discussed and dissipated. The things we keep silent about are the things that do us the most harm. Shared burden is lighter. I am hoping, as well, that the project may eventually be used as a humanizing resource for fat studies and social anthropology courses.
I am writing to ask for your help in both the promotion of and the participation in this project. It is my fondest hope that, ultimately, with time and resources, this project will grow beyond a specific and exclusive fat focus and move toward addressing the many intersections of shame.
In the meantime, I would love your help in the form of passing this along to your readers/mailing lists/friends/family/anyone you feel may benefit from hearing about this project.
I also welcome comments, constructive criticism and volunteers.
Thanks for your time and energy!
Big BIG love,
Stacy Bias
http://thefatexperience.com
http://www.stacybias.net
I awoke this morning to find a notice and request in my inbox, and I am more than agreeable to share it with everyone here. I agree with the project, and if I a) had a video camera tat connected to my computer in some way, shape or form, b) feel way less comfortable speaking than I do writing, and c) were passed the "still working on it" stage of my "I am hideously ugly because I am fat" thing I would do it in a heartbeat.
***************************************************
Hi there -
I wanted to let you know, in hopes that you might let your audience know, that I've recently launched a new project that I'm very excited about!
The new project is called "The Fat Experience Project." and you can view it here:
http://thefatex
The goal of the Fat Experience Project is to map the global experience of fat in a way that is human, has a face, a heart, a mind, a body and a voice. The Fat Experience Project is an oral, visual and written history project which seeks to be a humanizing force in body image activism. By collecting and sharing the many and varied stories of individuals of size, the Fat Experience Project seeks to engage with, educate, empower and enrich the lives of people of size, our allies and the world at large.
As the project grows, it will be filled with first-person, non-fiction narratives (in text, video or mp3 format) that speak to the many and varied aspects of the life lived large. Some of the content will come from interviews already gathered on an extensive 2-month road trip (with the lovely Val Garrison) in both audio and video format. Some content will come from trips on the horizon. Most content will be submitted via thewebsite by readers such as yourself.
It is my hope that the project will be a community tool to combat prejudice/stereotype/discrimination as well as to help externalize shame so it can discussed and dissipated. The things we keep silent about are the things that do us the most harm. Shared burden is lighter. I am hoping, as well, that the project may eventually be used as a humanizing resource for fat studies and social anthropology courses.
I am writing to ask for your help in both the promotion of and the participation in this project. It is my fondest hope that, ultimately, with time and resources, this project will grow beyond a specific and exclusive fat focus and move toward addressing the many intersections of shame.
In the meantime, I would love your help in the form of passing this along to your readers/mailing
I also welcome comments, constructive criticism and volunteers.
Thanks for your time and energy!
Big BIG love,
Stacy Bias
http://thefatex
http://www.stac
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Bad Google Ads!
This does not fall under "stupid comments" so much as it falls under "stupid web programs", but as I do not want to create a new tag that I will likely never use again, this is where I am sticking it.
I keep a regular journal over at livejournal (not hiding anything, if anyone is a member there and wants to find me I am under the name happyduck1979). I have what they call a "plus" account. Basically, I get some of the perks that the paid members have, but in exchange I have to see a few adds on my page. It really does not bother me in the slightest because I use adblock (a firefox extension) so I never actually see them anyway.
On that journal I have a link to this blog.
Google adds are what's called "targeted advertizing" and brings up ads based on words and links on a page. For example, if you have an entry on toasters, you might get an add for a kitchen supply store. Have a link to the weather? you might get an add for umbrellas. you get the picture.
A friend just let me know that for those who do have to see the adds, because I have a link to this blog "Fat and Feminine in Toronto" that uses the word fat, I am getting adds for weight loss products and weight loss centres! So I logged in to my journal with another browser, and there was an add, right at the top of my own journal, telling me that I should eat better to lose weight!
Now I did what it told me to for objectionable adds and reported it, but I have my doubts that it is going to do anything.
Ok, logically I can certainly see the connection between the two things. I type "fat" I get "lose weight" as an add- but there has got to be a way to get my journal to stop insulting me behind my back!
If anyone knows how to get rid of a seriously unwanted add please let me know.
I keep a regular journal over at livejournal (not hiding anything, if anyone is a member there and wants to find me I am under the name happyduck1979). I have what they call a "plus" account. Basically, I get some of the perks that the paid members have, but in exchange I have to see a few adds on my page. It really does not bother me in the slightest because I use adblock (a firefox extension) so I never actually see them anyway.
On that journal I have a link to this blog.
Google adds are what's called "targeted advertizing" and brings up ads based on words and links on a page. For example, if you have an entry on toasters, you might get an add for a kitchen supply store. Have a link to the weather? you might get an add for umbrellas. you get the picture.
A friend just let me know that for those who do have to see the adds, because I have a link to this blog "Fat and Feminine in Toronto" that uses the word fat, I am getting adds for weight loss products and weight loss centres! So I logged in to my journal with another browser, and there was an add, right at the top of my own journal, telling me that I should eat better to lose weight!
Now I did what it told me to for objectionable adds and reported it, but I have my doubts that it is going to do anything.
Ok, logically I can certainly see the connection between the two things. I type "fat" I get "lose weight" as an add- but there has got to be a way to get my journal to stop insulting me behind my back!
If anyone knows how to get rid of a seriously unwanted add please let me know.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Pedestrian Sunday at Kensington Market
Attention Ladies and Gentlemen in and around Toronto
Next week, on Sunday June 29th, I will be participating in Pedestrian Sunday at Kensington Market at the Anshei Minsk congregation. Pedestrian Sundays is a great event in a fun and historical area of Toronto, the original home to Toronto's Jewish community. In one of many attempts to revitalize the shul my cousin and her friends are trying to put "the Minsker" on the map with a sale, a family friendly kosher bbq, and some other fun stuff.
A percentage of all sales will go to the Anshei Minsk congregation.
Please come out to support a great cause and a nice, free event.
10 St. Andrew Street right at Spadina. Easy by bus, or parking available nearby.
Next week, on Sunday June 29th, I will be participating in Pedestrian Sunday at Kensington Market at the Anshei Minsk congregation. Pedestrian Sundays is a great event in a fun and historical area of Toronto, the original home to Toronto's Jewish community. In one of many attempts to revitalize the shul my cousin and her friends are trying to put "the Minsker" on the map with a sale, a family friendly kosher bbq, and some other fun stuff.
A percentage of all sales will go to the Anshei Minsk congregation.
Please come out to support a great cause and a nice, free event.
10 St. Andrew Street right at Spadina. Easy by bus, or parking available nearby.
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