Fat Lady here, and rather proud of it.

Today there was a carnival at my daughter's school, and parents were asked to attend. Since it started less than an hour after I dropped her off, and I do not have access to a car during the day, I decided the easiest thing to do would be to find myself an unused, out of the way corner, turn on my i-pod, and get some work done.

I found a nice little spot on the back stair case. I sat on the landing with my feet on the step below me. I knew it was not a problem because the director saw me and asked why I was "parking myself" there, but when I said it just did not make sense to go home. I passingly wondered if the "Parked" comment was a "size of a truck" joke, then remembered who I was dealing with and that she is one of the nicest women in the world and told myself to grow up. There is no way in hell that is what she meant.

Shortly thereafter, I start hearing "Hey, there's a fat lady on the stairs" coming from a bunch of kindergarten students on the 2nd floor (who are clearly out of class without permission and I hear their teacher ordering them back in). "You gotta come see this! It's a fat lady on the stairs".

I must have been bright red. I was both embarrassed and angry. How dare they!?!? I thought about the lovely thing I could say them. "Yeah, well, I could lose weight you will still be idiots" Um, hello? They are 5. What sort of bitch am I?

Ok, lets use this to teach a lesson. It is a religious school after all. I could remind them that "God made me just like God made you and are they making fun of something God created?" Yeah, I could say that. And then they could look at me like I am nuts. Remember, they are 5.

Well, maybe I should I just tell them it is not nice to make fun of people?

Then I realized something. What were they making fun of?

I am a fat lady. In fact, it is a fairly good descriptor of me. Am I fat? Clearly. Do I do my best to always act like a lady? Well, at least in public. These kids were not necessarily making fun of me, they were just commenting on what their eyes were showing them.

Would I prefer for people to look at me and say "Skinny Bitch" or "Gorgeous Loner"? I think not! Ok in my heart of hearts I might prefer Gorgeous Lady, but lets face it, to someone 3 feet tall my girth might be noticed before my "pretty face" (which incidentally is something else I hate hearing... well, not the pretty face bit -- it is that "but" that always goes with it!)

(So I never did say anything because I heard the teacher telling them off for being out of class and for yelling any "not nice names" at anyone, especially adults so I figured they already got told. Also, by the time I finished this whole little shenanigin in my head they were already gone. I either need to learn to think faster or speak without thinking. Of course, had I done that I would have just said "Oh yeah? Well I am rubber and your gluuuuuuuuuue...").